Log in

No account? Create an account
I'm not sure why I am feeling so depressed today. We had a good day. It wad very low-key and relaxing. But, I am feeling so helpless and hopeless. I haven't felt this depressed in quite some time.

It probably has something to do with waiting for the new placement. I have come to terms (mostly) that we won't ever have a biological child. Now, we have changed or criteria for the new placement to ensure that this child we can adopt. I'm not sure how much longer I'm willing to wait.

My, how things change

Spart and I have been foster parents to two amazing little ones for a month. The little girl is 19 months old. She will actually be 20 months old next Monday on Spart's birthday. The little boy just turned 4 months old yesterday. He shares my birthday.
Things have changed a lot since they moved in. The living room is a maze of toys and books. Every day, they both do something new. She is full of energy and loves exploring. He is so even keeled and doesn't fuss much.
I enjoy having them and love them so much. I would love for them to be permanent additions to our family but I have to remind myself this is only temporary.
I still really want to be a mom. I'm dreading the day thhey have to go back.

Baby items are a racket

Okay, I don't want to get anybody's hopes up, but we are looking for baby furniture. We are going to agree to foster to adopt within the month, which seems to be the best way to get the age range that we want. However, we need a bed in order to be considered. Since our age range is 0-2 years it has been difficult to plan for this. I have been doing research and think that a convertible bed might be our best option. The snag is, we have also considered upping it to a sibling group of 2 children if they fall in our age range, which would mean two beds. If you know of where we might could find one or have one available, please let me know. I'm trying to move on with this and be optimistic. I don't want to post this on Facebook just yet because of too many complications and questions.
Whenever someone says they are going to pray for me about the adoption process, I have an urge to tell them please don't because their prayers didn't work during the fertility treatments and I don't want them to jinx it. Mayve it just shiws how I am not a good Christian but of course that is complicated. I know the people nean well and in this part of the country it is their go-to phrase to show their support. Hust somethibg I need to get off ny chest and move on.

May. 12th, 2013

So, here we are. It is Mother's Day again and I still hate it. Yes, we are going through the adoption process, but it isn't real yet. I'm tired of well meaning people telling me that they too struggled with having children and eventually got pregnant by praying. I'm tired of other people praying for me to get pregnant during my treatments and now praying for the adoption. I just want to tell them to stop because I feel like their prayers did not work. Maybe I am extremely selfish, but I'm really tired of it all.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Your results:
You are Uhura
James T. Kirk (Captain)
Beverly Crusher
Will Riker
Deanna Troi
An Expendable Character (Redshirt)
Leonard McCoy (Bones)
Jean-Luc Picard
Mr. Scott
Geordi LaForge
Mr. Sulu
You are a good communicator with a
pleasant soft-spoken voice.
Also a talented singer.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Test

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Writer's Block: Doppelganger Week

Who is your look-alike?

When I was younger, I was told I looked like Tori Spelling. Of course, I always add if she had too many doughnuts to eat.

To my twin

Happiest of birthdays to ar_wahan

Writer's Block: Hobby Lobby

What do you like to collect?

When I was younger I collected dolls and masks.

Somehow, as an adult, I've gotten a collection of Nativity Sets and Crosses.